By Jenn der Bentson

So, there are lots of questions when it comes to crossdressing. One that comes up sometimes is should it be a goal to leave the house in your crossdressed state?

Crossdressing can be a lonely thing. For many, it is something they do in the dark at home when no one else is there by themselves. For a few who have the nerve, or are on a path to transitioning, it is a much more public thing. Sometimes, part of the thrill, the fulfillment, or the enjoyment is even the public nature of their dressing. It is freeing in a way that is different than other things in their life. A manner of expression of who they are that needs to be public.

But for many, it is somewhere in between. It is a reserved thing. It might be shared with a very few trusted individuals or even just one. It may be expressed in public in a very limited manner such as with selected retreats away from home to a hotel getaway or a rented cabin for a weekend dressing excursion. It might even include very limited public appearances for a dinner before being boxed back up until the next outing.

Reservation is OK. There is nothing wrong with this, and if that is what you are comfortable with as a crossdresser, and more importantly, if that is all you need to feel like your expressions have been fulfilled, don’t feel any pressure to do more!

As an at-home only crossdresser who only has one other person in his life who knows, my wife, who fortunately is supportive, I can honestly say the pull to be in public dressed is limited at best. This may come from a general lack of desire to do most things in large public settings as a guy either, I am someone who enjoys private time at home when I am not forced to deal with the public at large for work or life requirements. Home is where I relax, and cross-dressing is a part of that expression of a part of me that includes relaxation.

There are periodic times where I feel an urge to go somewhere out of the home, something that would count at public I guess when dressed, and I have had a couple of limited instances where that has happened. But, for me, crossdressing isn’t about being noticed by other people or doing something that bucks public views. Its about expressing a part of me. For the most part, that can be done at home.

I, and many fellow crossdressers no doubt, see many of the accounts, the blog posts, the forum discussions that we browse that highlight the efforts of others to go out in public. Maybe to dinner, or to a show, or for a weekend at a hotel. In many cases, these efforts are wrapped in dressings of equality, LGBTQ acceptance and tolerance speech, or equal rights nomenclature. And that’s fine, it’s great, but it almost brings about the development of some kind of expectation for crossdressers that if you aren’t “out and about” and doing it loud in some way, that you are somehow lesser as a crossdresser. That being “in the closet” at home means you haven’t somehow transgressed past personal issues, regret or shame, or fears.

I say bullshit to that.

It might just mean that the crossdressing you do is for you. Not for the consumption of others. It doesn’t have to be something that is in others faces. The world doesn’t have to be a stage on which you will perform or push any political agenda. Some things can be just for you, those you love, and your friends. Those for whom you have love and who love you. Those who accept you for all that you are, sometimes possibly as your femme form.

There is nothing wrong with doing things publicly crossdressed, but there is also nothing wrong with a lack of desire to do so.

If just dressing at home is what fulfills your desires and wishes be glad! I guess I am lucky that it is enough for me. This isn’t case for everyone, I recognize this. I know dressing in private comes with many less challenges than doing so in public. Many crossdressers will want to socialize, to externalize their experience, to meet with other crossdressers, or to just spend time out in public in their female persona. The desire to- or not-to-do-so may change over time also. We all live in a fluid world and our desires change as we progress through our experiences.

If you are at a point in your life where there is no yearning or urge to go out in public, know that is OK. Don’t feel like there is community pressure to do anything more than that which is comfortable and satisfying for your own life.

There is no unwritten rule or pressure that you are somehow lesser as a person because you don’t venture out publicly. It’s not about what makes other people happy or how they will judge you, it’s about what makes you comfortable and allows you to express whatever parts of your persona that makes you most happy.

Just dressing at home is OK if it’s OK with you.